zap!

I hate fleece gloves.

Don't get me wrong, they serve their purpose probably better than any other glove in the business. They're extremely warm, comfortable, colorful, and to embrace the cliche, they 'fit like a glove.' In theory they seem perfect. But as we all know, appearances can be deceiving.

It's a little thing called static cling.

Under normal circumstances, one would chose the winter to sport such an accessory as a fleece glove. Given that it is the coldest season, for some unknown reason, static cling is in the air- much like love in springtime. And we all know what happens when a fleece glove and an areas buzzing with static are combined.

Everything sticks to me, and I do mean everything. I can be previously dressed from head to toe in my winter outfit and will not have a problem before the gloves are added. However, once I slip on these shocking boobytraps, "the gloves are off." I can no longer get my hand within even a foot of my hair, my wool hat or my knit scarf. My Ugg boots will have to wait until I get to class to be adjusted, being that the combination of two different types of fleece will result in nothing less than disaster. I won't even bring up the possibility of wearing fleece socks. My jacket will almost start to hum with electricity as the gloves brush up against the tweed material over the course of the walk, and somehow that energy will transfer to my hair, causing it to rise like a loaf of bread. By the time I get to class, I look like I've spent the last few hours attached to a wall outlet.

And it only gets worse from there. Without question, the first metal piece you come into contact with will give you a shock loud enough to be heard by the entire block. I once made the mistake of touching my computer first, and still firmly believe that it was that very shock which fried my hard drive. Some lucky people get off easy with only one zap, but that's not usually the case for me. I will continue to zap, pow, whizz and pop for at least an hour. Everything I touch is at risk, from doorknobs to the family dog. In theory, I should have smoke coming out of my ears by the end of the day.

So what to do about this little problem? Nothing. There's nothing one CAN do to avoid any of it. The fleece gloves are so warm, so cheap and so easy to find that I doubt anyone will ever give up on them entirely. The do, in the end, prove to be worth all the aggravation as they keep our hands nice and toasty against the harsh winter weather.

Until a new, non-static form of fleece comes along, we must just grin and bare it, wearing our clingy gloves proudly, and avoiding metal objects at all costs.